Major relationship issues

Hi Girls, could you advise of the truth please.

Basically my partner smokes heavily and i just dont like it at all, i avoid kissing her and its really affecting our relationship. I dont like the smell of it, taste of it and as i find it discusting.

Our *** life is ****, i avoid it with her as im finding her less attractive with alot of wieght gain and lack of interest in my interests, and vise versa, i feel really distant from her.

There are 2 kids involvedl but they are not mine, but i reared them and they think im there dad and as ive been there for them 4 years now i really care for them, i think its the only reason im not gone already.

Recently i found texts on her mobile, in some way discussing our lack of *** life to her ex, who wsa saying thinkgs like "is it that bad lol", sure "i have ****** if he needs it", also discussing some websites for singles in our area, part read a message which included "you look 28", which to me meant she has joined some website and is secretly doing this, at the same time letting on everything is fine.

Im so secretly annoyed and i think she knows i know something. Everytime my mobile goes its "who was that, who are you texting" constantly, ive always been faithful even though our *** life is ****, as its the kids would be hurt if i did the dirt.

Thoughts??

[roobaby]

[SIZE="3"][/SIZE]

Oh deary me, you need to sort this one out pronto! I suggest a frank discussion, just make sure the kids are safely out of sight and hearing range. Has the smoking started recently? If not, then you knew all about it before hand. Maybe a compromise - she could cut down a bit. I know I would if it was such an issue. However, you need to ask yourelf some questions as well. Why did you look at her text messages? That's not a sign of a secure and trusting relationship. So talk to her, but be prepared for some hard hitting questions and responses which you may not like. At the end of the day, children will be hurt just as much by warring parents as they are by separation. Are you sure it is the kids who would suffer if you left, or would you be the one who is hurt? (i.e using the children as an excuse for your hurt and disappointment). And remember, it's easy to blame another person but you also need to look at the 'triggers' which instigated the behaviours. I hope it all works out, but as I said, there needs to be an honest and open discussion (not a slanging match!) and a will to forgive if you decide to stay together. If not, then it might be best all round to end the relationship and reconstruct it in a different way.

[pete8242]

hey if your misses is repulsing you and the nookies gone
its time to move on
shes obviously noticing that your not up for it and looks to me like shes starting to move on allready
you cant stay together for the kids A because theyre not yours and B because theyll get hurt in the end when it collapses badly

[roobaby]

[QUOTE=pete8242;54223]hey if your misses is repulsing you and the nookies gone
its time to move on
shes obviously noticing that your not up for it and looks to me like shes starting to move on allready
you cant stay together for the kids A because theyre not yours and B because theyll get hurt in the end when it collapses badly[/QUOTE]

How eloquent you are Pete! Ever thought of ******* a tv relationship show? lol

Best thing to do is leave, never stay for the kids i put up with my ex cos of my wee girl but in the end it had a bad effect on her, even though she still sees her dad shes a lot happier that we split...........

Oh dear how sad reading your story. I think you already know the answer as to what you should do. This relationship isn't going anywhere. There's no trust and a great possibility of cheating. I commend you for having helped raise your partner's 2 children and having established a relationship with them, you must find this so difficult.

But I think the only way out of this mess is for the 2 of you to part. You can still make arrangements to see the children if you wish but ultimately you need to weigh up all the pros and cons of the relationship and whether it is worth continuing. Having read all you have said, you are struggling as there is little to work with.

She is everything you don't like, does things you don't like, your physical relationship is in shreds. All that seems to be keeping the 2 of you together is that you share the same home and your commitment to the children. That is not enough to sustain a relationship.

I wish you well in whatever decision you decide and would suggest you get some professional help to enable you to discuss all these issues before making a final decision.