regain respect from a man

i have been in a relationship for 4 years. recently our relationship has gone down the pan and his respect for me had gone. he doesn't listen to me, he doesn't value me and im simply just not on that pedestal i used to be on. ive tried talking to him about it but it doesnt improve. now im resenting him for making me so unhappy. how do i sort this one out?

hmm there are lots of issues here and most importantly the fact he is refusing to talk about it.

I do think though that it is not necessarily a question of regaining respect. This implies that you have done something to lose his respect and from what you have said it seems that it is more the case that he is no longer interested.

If someone doesnt listen to you and doesn't value you then to be honest I question why stay in the relationship. If its great *** then to be honest you can probably get that elsewhere.

For my part any person who slowly and progressively undermines their partner or someone they are close to does not deserve to be in a relationship.

However sometimes guys are stupid, maybe you need to remind him who he fell for in the first place. Remember that in a relationship it is easy to become complacent - slipping into PJs straight from work because they are comfy is fine but lets be honest most people make more of an effort at the start.

So how about you dolly yourself up and make sure he notices you in that hot little black dress or that one that makes him go wild and go kiss him on the head say you hope he has a good evening and you wont be late and go out with the girls.

Then when you get home make sure you undress in front of him and go to sleep, if he is not crazy by that point then you really do have problems. But do not give in to his wishes - selfish release - say you would love to but perhaps you could go out for a meal tomorrow and then back to the house for some fun.

If I have misready our post and he really doesn't respect you then you either need to find out what he thinks you have done wrong to lose it or walk.

thanks for your response. its confusing because he says he still loves me, im the most important thing in the world to him etc etc. but i just dont feel it from him. if he didnt say these things then yea, id agree with you. he says he loves me one minute and everything is great then we fall back into the same rut (usually over something silly) and start speaking to each other like crap and arguing.

is it an age thing (im 27 he's 41)? I dont know why it would be, its just a shot in the dark.

we fight a lot and have had some pretty big bust ups.

we have been through a lot in the last month or two (as well as the last couple of years), i found out i was pregnant, lost it, ended up in hospital cause of complications. its been hell. he's been there for me, which i appreciate, but it feels like its pretty half arsed at times to be honest with you. im wondering if he is doing it out of some obligation.

perhaps ive let myself go. but to be honest, after what i have been through this last month, how i look has been the last thing on my mind. i dont feel very confident at the moment or attractive...

arrrgh - its doing my head it all this.

ok there is alot more information there.

1. I am very sorry to hear about your loss. Its tough on both of you.
2. Its not an age thing.
3. It sounds like you need something to bring you together more regularly, how about starting with a bit of a holiday - even if its just walking in Wales, remind you both why you love each other. The other part is you need something that you both do together a special time and no i dont just mean that I mean something you both enjoy and like doing.
4. My view has always been that your partner is the one person no matter what is going on should have your back and remind you that you are special. So he needs to compliment you and help rebuild your confidence and you need to do that for him, he might just be drained and empty. Often us guys try to be the strong ones and be the rock when if we are honest we get just as cut up inside and we are probably not as strong in coping with it.

If he say he sitll loves you then he does, a guy that doesn't love someone will normally avoid saying the actual phrase.

Good luck and I hope it works itself out.

thanks, i appreciate your advice