Need advice...

[QUOTE=Eastlands;34548]At the end of the day everyone is different and what might be a forgiveable offence for some people, isn't for others. It sounds to me like you can't let go and you don't fancy the idea of starting afresh or being on your own. Personally, I think you're better off out of it but only you can decide on that one.

I don't know what's more worrying - the fact that he appears to have been messing around with his ex-wife or that he's been messing around with someone who is years younger and is little more than a schoolgirl. Now that's disturbing. Either way, if you can't let go then if a chance comes to have a bit of fun yourself then go for it and see how he likes it. I know 2 wrongs don't make a right but sometimes you've got to say bollox to that theory[/QUOTE]

Hi Easlands, thanx for yr supportive words...yr so right bout my bein scared about being on my own;already have 1 failed marriage behind me+it sounds so bad to be my age+hve to admit to having 2 failed marriages.

Dont get me wrong, my hubby is a lovely bloke;just lost his way I think,but Im left with the messed up head+v poor self esteem+confidence to point I cant bring self to shop in local high street in case I see either girl as they both live local. What a mess!!!

QUOTE=emm26;34470]aw hun that is so bad i intend to agree with betty on this hes done it once and now u found photographs of him n his ex wife on computer im sorry but that is wrong the only pictures i have got of my ex husband is my wedding album and only kept them cos there are alot of people on them who have now passed away who meant alot to me it in my wardrobe n rarely comes out . my advice is n it may be hard but when my hubby {ex] cheated i threw him out n very next day started divorce proceedings u got the evidence there hun to file for divorce use it get out make a fresh start get all your confidence back like im sure you had b4 u married him cos men are just pigs who lower your self esteem and all . you might b single for a while but im sure ull find hapiness down the line with someone who will treat you right n treat you how you should be xxxxx good luck hun and hope it all works out in your favour xxxxxx[/QUOTE]

Hi thanx for yr advice;I kno what u mean about ex husbands photos-Im the same only hve my wedding photos+theyre not even @ mine,there @ my dads.

My hubby claims nothing went on with either his ex or the 16yr old,however the fotos of him+ex were in her house taken at most 2-3 yrs ago+him with no clothes on+her with only skimpy pants on-I didnt even kno he was havin contact with his ex+hadnt for many years since their divorce in 1996 as far as I was aware.

I found a cancellation email from a hotel for a romantic break 4 two which hed booked for the young girl+him. Being taken for a fool is 1 of hardest things to contend with-he claims nothin happened with this girl other than a kiss+cuddle;Im not particularly a woman of the world,but I know u dont just go from a kiss to full blown 'whatever' in a hotel room, without there being bits in between, such as forplay etc, but he contunues to deny this.

My self esteem is at an all time low;tried antidepressants but side effects made me feel rotten.Dont kno where to begin puttin this right. Superficially to face we r getting along ok, for the sake of my 19yr old daughter mainly,who has also been v affected, but once Im on my own,my mind wanders+those dark clouds keep coming back!

Hi smelly - I've been following this thread and trying to keep out of it because it's a bit of an emotive subject for me... as well as a few others by the sounds of it. However, I've decided to throw my two pennies worth into the mix too, in case it helps...

Having been in a similar situation, you and I both know that no matter how many people's advice you get, you'll still make your own decision anyway. I was in a marriage with an unfaithful husband, who I continued to love (I was young and fairly naive)... each time it happened there were the promises that it wouldn't happen again blah blah... eventually I made the decision that, although I was terrified of being on my own, trying to cope financially etc, I was better off on my own than with someone who made me forget who I was, lose my self esteem and confidence and feel like I didn't matter. I kicked him out and have never looked back. However much pain you go through following a break up, it's got to be better than the pain you are going through now and will continue to go through if you stay with him. What worries me most is what someone else has already pointed out - he was considering an affair with someone just barely out of school??!! Even if he hasn't 'done' anything with her, he was certainly prepared to contemplate it and, on the assumption that he's a similar age to you, that's pretty sick in my book and I'd struggle to ever look at him in the same way again, if it was me. Add to that the fact that he's clearly been messing around with his ex wife and you've got a recipe for disaster.

In my humble opinion, the only way for you to sort out your head and blow away those black clouds is to leave him (or kick him out!), spend some time on your own, find yourself again and then just get used to being happy again - regardless of the fact that you don't have a partner.

I wish you strength in making your decision - I know it'll be tough, but whatever you decide, I hope you find some peace of mind and happiness.

thanks for reply hun n i hope things are easier in ure mind now just like to say dont feel bad cos uve got 2 failed marriages behind you or near 2 it takes 2 to make a relationship work not just one its never easy when kids are involved n i dont think it matters how old they are they will feel it i just hope that you n ure daughter get through this but most of all you make the decision that is right for you we here can only sit listen and give our opinion advice but at end of day none of us are really to judge its gotta be your decision n yours only i wish you well xxxxxxxxxxxxx