How to end a marriage advice?

Hi, after many months of mental anguish, counselling and antidepressants and after chatting with others in Hollys Love Threads and Problem Page and after much deep thinking from me, Im very seriously contemplating ending my 9 year marriage. If you haven't been following this thread, then I must say for those who haven't, that my confidence and self-esteem are at an all time low due to my husband's apparent infedelity etc etc. Now that I've concluded that this is for the best as far as I'm concerned, I know, he'll say he feels differently as he's supremely confident that things will work out in the passage of time, but I don't believe this is the case. On that note, can anyone advise me how to go about it, i.e. the actual nitty gritty of telling him it's all over, when I can barely lift my own head to be counted due to a lack of confidence! Ive never ended a relationship before and a one in which I'm still very emotionally involved. Any pearls of wisdom would be appreciated...many thanks!

hi hun all i can suggest is that you sit him down tell him how you feel and that all the trust you had for him has gone breaking up is one of the hardest things to do .stay strong hun whilst talking to him he ll try and make you change your mind but if this is what you really want then stick by it i have been following your posts on hollys love thread and i think if i was in your situation id do exactly the same but you have got to be 100% sure yourself that this is what you want hun let him know that you need to break free from this marriage as if you stayed together youd only end up hating him better to leave while theres a bit of love than hatred good luck hun i hope everything works out for u

Dear Smellydrian, this is going to be the most hardest thing that u ever going to do. u have to be absolutely certain that there is no way that u see yrself working this out. make sure that u have a safe haven to go to and protection. go and see a good divorce lawyer and make certain that u are financially protected(i.e. make sure he pays maintenance for the children and yrself(if u are not working) while the divorce procedings is in process and thereafter). make sure that u know his whereabouts because it is very difficult devilering a summons to someone if u do not know where he reside. it will be hard on yrself if u do not make sure that there is protection in place. the financial burden will definitely not contribute to healing yrself from a disasterous marriage. make sure that u have a good circle of friends and if u do not have join a group at yr local community centre. believe me it will mean the world to u to have support. and last of all be absolutely certain that u do want a divorce because it is drastic step|| all my love and support. Just remember that life is wonderful and that we women do not need to be abused in anyway. we are made for love and caring. my thoughts are with u and wish i cud be there to be a friend|||
luv
Sweetpea

[pete8242]

write it down
all what you feel
all what you want to happen from now on
make a copy for yourself too
then give him a copy and dont forget to write its not up for discussion
keep to it
get rid off the twat
and start to feel good about yourself again

inside every woman is a goddess

unfortunately inside my misses is the goddess of hell
good job im satan then init

lol pete how nice

[QUOTE=pete8242;36650]write it down
all what you feel
all what you want to happen from now on
make a copy for yourself too
then give him a copy and dont forget to write its not up for discussion
keep to it
get rid off the twat
and start to feel good about yourself again

inside every woman is a goddess

unfortunately inside my misses is the goddess of hell
good job im satan then init
[/QUOTE]
bravo pete pls hunny follow this||
luv
Sweetpea

Mental anguish.antidepressants,councilling?? I cant for the life of me understand why your only just "Contemplating" leaving this man.
Have you ever seen sleeping with the enemy?? Bit far fetched i Know,so perhaps we should abandon the whole "fake your own death" scenario. However,this man has treated you with sheer disrespect,so I would not for a second be giving his feelings any consideration in this matter. Wait til he has gone to work,pack up all your bags,phone a friend or family member and arrange a place for you to stay for the time being,and leave him. Leave him a letter saying that your marriage is over and you will speak to him face to face soon once you have sorted out your own head. This may seem like the cowards way out,however,you say your confidence over this man is shattered,so telling him face to face whilst your confidence is at this all time low will not be beneficial. He will only manipulate you into thinking you can never make it on your own and you'll end up staying with him and living the rest of your life miserably. Take the letter way out until you build up your confidence a little,then speak with him when you know you are mentally and emotionally strong enough to do so without falling for his lies and bull****! We're here for a good time,not a long time!! Remember that!

[pete8242]

im pretty sure she shot him in the end in sleeping with the enemy

think deseree has said it all

This is a hard one ......but if you dont like confrontation, i would move out when hes at work find somewhere else to live and do it through the solicitors, you dont owe him a bean of explanation, i my eyes.
If you dont mind confrontation and want to get it off your chest, tell him straight , take no prisoners, then pack his gear up and kick him out,
Ive been there its a horrible time no love, bitterness, etc, Good luck whatever you decide to do.........