Advise needed!

Ok here goes:

I am married, been with my husband for 9 1/2 years (married for 2). Things have not been good since April, but you have to try, I have finally found my confidence- my own personality, but he no likes. He lost his job (meaning he got fired), and I have supported him and tried to stay positive. Then last night I found e-mails on his computer about what he wanted to do to this girl- and it was explicit, and it sounded like this had been happening for a while. On other e-mails there were pictures of this girl in stockings and them mentioning hotels.

Problem is now I feel like a total mug- even if it was purely over the internet (which he says it purely was!!) I feel like the fool the one who has been led on and looks like a mug.

Any opinions?

[roobaby]

This is a really tricky one. Firstly, if you 'found' the emails that means you were snooping so perhaps you had some reason to distrust him? And because the seed of distrust had been planted, when he said 'nothing happened' you are still doubtful. Some people will say that because this happened over the internet that it doesn't count as cheating. ( Reminds me a bit of Bill Clinton....... I did not have *** with that woman!) If you go with that line of argument then sure, it's not cheating but it is still, in my mind, shameful and deceitful. You are obviously hurt by his actions.

So what to do? I would have it out with him, tell him how his actions have made you feel, and tell him it has to stop. There is nothing wrong with harmless flirting, but I think there is a fine line between harmless flirting and doing something which you wouldn't do in front of your partner. After you have had the discussion with him, you have to decide whether you trust him enough to stop doing such things, or recognise that he might still do such things and you will just have to put up with it.

Everyone deserves a second change, but once the trust between people has been chipped away it is difficult not to get suspicious. Personally I would give him one more chance (as you are married) but after that I would make it absolutely clear that if anything like that every happened again then it would be adios amigo, my way or the highway.

Good luck.

[QUOTE=roobaby;61272]This is a really tricky one. Firstly, if you 'found' the emails that means you were snooping so perhaps you had some reason to distrust him? And because the seed of distrust had been planted, when he said 'nothing happened' you are still doubtful. Some people will say that because this happened over the internet that it doesn't count as cheating. ( Reminds me a bit of Bill Clinton....... I did not have *** with that woman!) If you go with that line of argument then sure, it's not cheating but it is still, in my mind, shameful and deceitful. You are obviously hurt by his actions.

So what to do? I would have it out with him, tell him how his actions have made you feel, and tell him it has to stop. There is nothing wrong with harmless flirting, but I think there is a fine line between harmless flirting and doing something which you wouldn't do in front of your partner. After you have had the discussion with him, you have to decide whether you trust him enough to stop doing such things, or recognise that he might still do such things and you will just have to put up with it.

Everyone deserves a second change, but once the trust between people has been chipped away it is difficult not to get suspicious. Personally I would give him one more chance (as you are married) but after that I would make it absolutely clear that if anything like that every happened again then it would be adios amigo, my way or the highway.

Good luck.[/QUOTE]

Totallly agree - he was decietful in thinking of those things - why men cannot be trusted ever~???

[benfromkent]

Hi Katie,

Would like to offer you some help, and hope that i can help you make some sense out of your situation, if your still on here leave a message, and ill post my thoughts,