Love hurts..

I hv 2 admit that i hv nowhere to refer 2. Im married with a son and i live separately with my husband. Its been years of our marriage and i hv 2 survive by myself. Im the one who manage EVERYTHING. I told him 2 change for so many time but its still the same. I lost hope and the reason why i still with him is my son.

Then, somebody came into my life and willing to do anything for me. Always wanted to be with me (which sometimes make me feel uncomfortable). After sometime, i can accept his way but told him that im married. He can accept it and we became friend. After a while, we became best friend. And yes, a lover after 1 year.

The problem is, i knew this guy lied to me for so many times. I cant believe he did that while at the same time he promised diffrent thing. He gets mad when i told him that i know the truth. We will mouth-fight and wont speak to each other for a while. After sometime, he will come to my, crying and begging me to accept him back. He kept saying that he just dont wanna break my heart. Thats the reason he lied. I really cant accept that coz sometimes i knew that he just wanna save himself and pretended that he is a good man.

Now i asked him to go away from my life. He lied to me again and i cant accept it. I told him that i'm gonna be ok, but i am not! I miss him so much but its really hurt. I need advise.. Should i just be a good wife and accept the way my husband treated me or forgive the guy, ask for divorce from my husband and accept him in my life. Plz.. Help me..:-(

[pete8242]

if things are bad with your husband
then leave....you only have one life so choose a happy one
if things are bad with this other person
then leave him too...gaian one life
and find someone that makes you feel truly happy and wanted
theres loads of people out there
not just these two men

I agree with Pete.

You deserve more than what your husband could offer you, and more than what this lying man will offer you. Sure he can *promise* you the world, but if he lies about things, then how can you really believe in any of it??

It will be hard, and you may end up single for a while, but you shouldn't settle for something you're not happy with.

All the best.

I was trapped in a loveless marriage and I got out, the best thing I did, although it take allot of courage to do so.
Don't stay because of your son, leave because of your son. He will have pick up on the animosity and could have more of a detrimentel effect on him.
Forget the other guy that's a disaster waiting to happen.
I got remarried ten years ago to a wonderful lady we were best, friend sole mate and loved each other dearly. Sadly she died suddenly just over a month ago, and that really hurts I miss her more than I can express. The point is you sound like a good and decent woman and you deserve better that a bad marriage or an habitual liar. You might not think it, but there are plenty of decent men out there and you deserve one of them.
Best of luck.

Oh.. Thank you so much for your kind responses. I never thought that i can ask anyone else about my problem.
Yes, i took steps to leave both of them.. Told my husband that i need to be free and asked the guy to stay away from me.

Both of them are trying their best to be good n very kind to me lately. Offered me lots of things and happiness. Sent me flowers, gifts and hubby brought my son&me to places. Why.. Why they need to do that after i ve made up my mind..

Im confused and really hope that i can be strong and follow your advises.

But still, i feel sad. Always end up crying alone. Im doing the best for my son. He is too small to understand the whole thing.

Hope things will be better.. Maybe not now, but later..

Maybe they should have showered gifts and kindness on you before you threatened to leave them.
The question you need to ask yourself is if you look back in twenty years time, will you have been happy to have stayed with your husband , or look back and feel you've wasted twenty years that you can't get back.
Sorry I'm so vague but I don't know you well enough to be any clearer. I also don't know the other guy, but experience tells me he will let you down.
It is a big step to take, and there will be tough time emotionally. I have had two marriages that couldn't be describes as good, and I didn't meet the love of my life till I was 50, and left me second wife for her. We were so good together and did everything together. Neither of us had ever been so happy. Sadly she was cruelly taken away from me just over a month age though sudden death. I have wonderful memories, I wonder if you stay with your husband will you?

You know the ironic thing is I'm giving what I would say sound advice and making good salient points to people, yet I can't sort myself out.
I'm doing everything I should going out meeting people etc etc. I miss my wife every minute of every day and I'm not coping very well, I'm also finding forums and giving advise the****utic as I actually feel useful.
I could really do with bereavement counselling but there's a four month waiting list. I will get though it with the help of good friends, but it's the hardest thing I've ever done, and far tougher than I could have ever imagined.
Sorry for whinging, I won't mention it again.

[shazzababie]

It takes time Routplanner hunni .... ur loss is very recent and nobody expects u to move on quickly. The first year is the hardest its all first birthdays, xmas, anniversaries etc... i do speak from experience...although they leave us behind it does get better and easier although you never forget them !!! Hang in there babes... you know where we all are if you need to talk for a while xxx

Thanks Shazza,
Yesterday was one of those days I was up one minute and down the next, I'm sure I'll have many more of them and I know it's only natural. It may well be natural but it hurt so much.
I didn't think I was able to think so much about anyone. Dying in her sleep I didn't have chance to tell her how much I loved her, but she knew we told each other everyday.
Thanks for you're kind word and thoughts which I appreciate, and you might not realise, do help.
Thanks again and god bless.

[shazzababie]

[QUOTE=RoutePlanner;62921]Thanks Shazza,
Yesterday was one of those days I was up one minute and down the next, I'm sure I'll have many more of them and I know it's only natural. It may well be natural but it hurt so much.
I didn't think I was able to think so much about anyone. Dying in her sleep I didn't have chance to tell her how much I loved her, but she knew we told each other everyday.
Thanks for you're kind word and thoughts which I appreciate, and you might not realise, do help.
Thanks again and god bless.[/QUOTE]

Your very welcome Routeplanner. I'm sure your wife knew exactly how you felt about her.... Dying in your sleep is the most peaceful and lovely way to go but absolutely devastating for the person left behind...hold on to your good memories and smile at the funny ones, cry at the sad ones, keep talking to her as she is still and always will be a huge part of your life, trust me it does get easier. I hope you have good friends and family looking after you babes, and definately go to that bereavement counselling when you eventually get an appt.

love and hugs
Shaz x