Feel stuck

I met a man 14 months ago when he did some work where i work. He was only there for a few days but we chatted and didnt think much more of it. His last day there i was a little disappointed he didnt ask for my number before he left but didnt give anymore thought to it. A few days later a friend called me saying he he couldn't stop talking about me and could she give him my number. Of course I said yes and later that evening he text me. We chatted for a while on text and he told me he was married. He said he just wanted a bit of flirty fun and since I had not long come out of a long-term relationship I was glad of the attention. For a couple of weeks we text each other just friendly chat. Then one day he text me saying he was working close by and did I want to go for a bite to eat. I said I would and after he had finished his job he came and picked me up. The afternoon flew by. We chatted non stop and we got on so well. At the end of the evening he drove me home and parked up outside he asked if he could kiss me, something I usually hate a man asking me. I said yes and we shared the most beautiful kiss, one where the whole world ceases to exist! We said goodnight and we parted. A couple of days later the same happened, he came to the house, did a job for me that I was struggling with then we went for dinner again. At the end of the evening we kissed and caressed before saying goodnight. A week went by we continued to text and talk daily. He came round and we had a couple of drinks before he said goodnight. Shortly after leaving he called me & said he didn't have to go home and could come back if I wanted but no preasure. I said it was fine to come back and we ended up spending a fantastic night together. We made love and spent the night in each others arms. He left in the morning and as usual we continued contact by mobile. A couple of weeks later we had the chance of another night together which I happy to accept. We went out for a few drinks, had a fantastic time and spent the night in eachothers arms again. The following morning we had breakfast in bed, this time in no hurry to leave. It was different this time neither of us wanting to say goodbye but he had to go. While delaying his departure we sat on the bed both quite somber and he told me he loved me, to which I replied the same. As the months passed we saw as much of each other as we could him living about 50 miles away. When summer came he found some work nearby lasting several weeks, during that time he spent sometimes whole weekends with me. On his family holiday he called me almost daily saying how much he missed me. Summer ended but he would stay a night everyother weekend. By the end of the year we were both finding it increasingly difficult being apart and we would cry together when he had to leave. His wife has suspicions but never said anything. Then shortly before christmas he left his phoneon purpose with texts on from me for her to read. Which we believe she did judging by her behaviour but she didn't say anything. During the bad weather it was imposible for him to get out of his road let alone visit me so would walk for nearly an hour just to talk to me on the phone. In the new year they both confronted the situation and he left her. For 5 weeks he slept on the floor of a friends loft as he had nowhere else to go, working long hours and all his work being a 2hr drive from me. He was very low, not eating properly and only getting a few hrs sleep a night. He finally decided he had to go home. It broke my heart. For days I hardly slept, couldn't eat and only left my bedroom to go to the bathroom. 6 days after him going home I decided I needed one last try so I travelled up there to see him. We talked and cried and he decided that even though he thought he had probably made a mistake going back he couldn't put her and their 2 children through him leaving again. At the end of the day I left and despite how much it hurt I was prepared to respect his dissicion and would not contact him again. However for the next few days i missed him so much it felt like part of me was missing. I would type out a text but then delete it. But he would call me by the afternoon each day saying how much he missed me. He even said he wished he was dead. This was 11 weeks ago. We have seen each other a total of 8 times and we talk each day. We both still shed tears because we miss each other. He tells me he isn't happy and doesn't want to be without me. But he remains at home. I am really struggling and wish he were coming home to me at night. He says he wishes the same. My head tells me that I should end the relationship and there have been a couple of times I have made efforts to do so but within moments I take it back. I don't want to live my life without him in it, I can't even imagine it. He tells me the same. I just dont know what to do. I feel so stuck. I hate that he goes home to another woman everynight but I just can't bring myself to end it no matter how alone I feel at times cause the times that we do spend together are just so wonderful. I'm sorry this is so very long but I needed to get it out

[roobaby]

I am trying to summon up sme sympathy but I am afraid I can't. As soon as he said he was married that should have been your signal to put the brakes on. However unhappy you are, imagine how unhappy his wife and children must be. It's obvious to me he is not going to leave his wife and family, and because of the actions of you both there are now others who are hurt and disappointed. But what is done is done. The best thing you can do is to break all contact and never put yourself in a similar postion. There are plenty of men out there who aren't in relationships.

[hunnybabe]

I have to agree with Roo- married or taken men are strictly off-limits , you should have said thanks but no thanks when he first asked for your number. Yes maybe i sound harsh, but did you even stop to think of his wife or children ?
And why did he go back home? Why did he not come and live with you ? There are no excuses if you`re meant to love each other as much as you say you do, he would have found a way. Sounds to me like he is having his cake and eating it too.

Move on and next time find someone who isn`t attached.

Well.. ... I do agree with Roo and Hunny, on the married no go, breaks should have been applied soo fast etc etc But u should this already I am sure you wil have been over it a thousand times in your head! But whats done is done and you cant turn back time, a thing many of us wish we could do, and i dont think him being married should stop us helping you, cos well who are we to judge....
Firstly althought noted shouldn't have happened, you cannot help who you fall for ... and Pickles you have fallen...you can deal with this is one of a few ways... carry as you both are being miserable ignoring what is happening... not that i would reccommend this course of action... or face up to a harsh realilty, you miss him i get that, but he was never yours to miss, I think there is too much emtional baggage involved in this reltionship for anyone, let alone someone who was looking for fun (in your words), the best thing for you is to deal with the fact that he was never yours not completly cos if his wife wasnt suss, his being playing the loving husband at home, and although he did leave.. does she know why... why didnt he come and stay with you if its soo serious??
I think for your own sanity more than anything else you need to forget about him, its not going to be easy but nothing worth doing is! there will be someone out there for you that isnt already, someone eleses, im sure

As for him, he obvioulsy isn't happy with his wife.... he actively contacted you, knowing he was married, probs with an affair in mind, how many times has he done this, ask yourself, or at least tried too. I dont think he should be with his wife, thinking she deserves better tbh, and now everyone is going to be like but they should stay togther for the children. speaking from experience of growing up in a house hold where the woman adores the man and the man stays for us children, but still cant keep it in his pants ... he should leave... the fights ... the socalisation of the children.... they will be better off with two happpy single parents rather than a couple thats disfuntional ...trust me!!!
Dont get me wrong I dont think he should be with you, i think he needs to learn what it is to be a real man and show his commitments some damn respect, you should move on and fast dragging this out is just making a bad situation worse, and like the others say they're children involved and they should come before anyones feelings ...as they are the only innocent party in all this.
Hope this has helped, love n kisses bella boo xx