Emotionally Unstable

Hi there guys, ***** people!

Im a bit of a nervous wreck - in social situations - I manage to hide it but I end up having very few friends - this doesnt particularly bother me as I dont seem to agree on most people's (my age) opinions and actions - all they do is waste there time partying drinkning and i gave that up a while ago now from getting sooo drunk to forget whoI was with (obv i was unhappy) - so there you have it - im a bit of a loner in that respect im 21 and had a **** upbringing and view the world in a totally different light !

so my problems now are relationship issues - i have been with this polish lad (24) for nearly 3 years (wowsers) and its groovy we get on he;s different in being culturally different so i get on well with him I can be myself and we do 'really' like and respect each other - blah blah blah - but im so paranoid that he is checking out other girls - i aint bad looking at all but i have extreme low self esteem from being told nasty things from my estranged mother - so now in my ***** life i no confidence and can only feel like myslef with this Polish lad (cus he can hardly understand - lol) no hes very clever and good looking too - so my issue is that he is on his internet all the time checking out the ladies and he has office job being in the country now 5 yrs he got himself sorted with good job - but the owners recenlty moved him to different dept. Invoicing (which means he will be working with the hot women im so paranoid about and he does love the attention - okay i might not be explaining myself very well here but with my emotional chaos that goes on in my head i think that he might find himslef new girl in this dept since he is wrking with them all day - i work soley on my own and love it i have nobody at work stressing me out anymore (i used to be croupier and get a lot of hassle)

there are many reasons for me to be worried like he is always on FB and he has many women friends who he seriously cannot know and when i did meet him 6mnths into our courtship he left his FB on and as a nosey GF i got curious and had a root - i know i shouldnt cus it set me up for the worst now as i found a lot of him emailing other girls - you can imagine what - that left a sorry scar on my heart/soul im a bit depressed i think you can all gather but i just need that reasurence of someone who has stability and control of there emotions to tell me its alright

there is more to it than explained - god i could write a book but briefly - im scared that he may get attention of some girl who has nice life who can understand him - since he works now with quite a few hot girls i think this scenario coul dhappen and i will be left hurt once again - and my intitial reaction as always is to dump him - before he might dump me

also the bedroom dept. is going a bit down in points and it could be stress and i want to understand that but what if it isnt

im so messed up underneath all the fake smiles

[tommysize1]

my advice would be to just get on with your own life.
what do you do for fun after work?
try to go out occasionally with anyone you can think of...go for a bike ride, swimming, a day down the beach, take up classes in a subject that interests you, learn a musical instrument, eat healthy and get a regular excercise routine worked out.
any of those things will re-invigorate you after youve done it with a sense of achievement and the difference will be noticeable, not just by you but your boyfriend too.

hope that helps.