mixed messages / false hope

I threw my husband out last year after 32 years of marriage, I had a strange feeling that something wasnt right. Anyway it seems he was, for a better word, "grooming a girl at work, who is young enough to be his daughter", he moved into a flat close to her and continues to see her although they do not live together. He is not prepared to leave that relationship to try to work out our problems. He does not want to divorce me, he does not want to live with her and tells me that they are not in a committed relationship. This is my problem, everytime he comes to our home to visit me, we always end up having oral ***. He said that he cannot cross the line into full intercourse, but is happy to continue with the oral ***. This leaves me confused and emotionally upset because in my eyes, if he can be intimate with me in that way, how much can he think of her, and also vice versa, if he can have intercourse with her, but still comes to me for the other, what is he doing, why does he do this. I am addicted to him, and find any attention from him, I just cling to. I am trying to break the dependency on him, but when the *** happens it throws me into a turmoil. I have had several opinions, not limited to "using me, having his cake and eat it etc etc. Can anyone she any light as to why a man who was with his wife for 32 years, has a girlfriend younger than the years he has been married, goes between the two, but will not come back and work on our marriage, but will not divorce me, or commit to the other girl - what is going on with this man??? he hit 50 last year and I thought this might be a mid life crisis, but he has been gone 13 months and lives in a crummy 1 bed flat on his own???

Thanks
Jane

[Forger]

Having your cake and eating it springs to mind. He isn't going to commit to either of you cos that would mean giving one of you up. While your both feeding his needs hes gonna keep doing it.
That's fine if your happy with that and want to carry on the way it is. Otherwise tell him to fook off and never come back and file for divorce. Ultimatums can go either way but at least you'll know exactly where you stand.

[shazzababie]

stop stroking his ego and cut all ties, y the hell wuld u want to be with sum1 who treats u like this ??? U deserve so much better, next time he comes over tell him ur going out or are too busy to see him and reclaim ur bloody life... u have wasted far too much time and given him enuff chances !!! btw i have been with my partner nrly 30yrs so i understand how hard it wuld be as you have been with him so long but as I say u deserve better .... i wish u all the best xx

i am having the same problem my husbanhd has keft me and the kids and moved in wiht his girlfriend it has been going on for two years and at first he kept coming back but i eventually threw him out and now he has moved in with her. The pain is terrible and i think that is why you end up back with him it stops the pain for s short while but it also stops the grieving process and puts you back at the start again and again, you have to let yourseof grieve it is a process and it will eventually end. in any case your relationship has been too compromised for you to be back with him full time anyway and you would spend the rest of your life checking up on him, start concentrating on yourself and find anything that you enjoy and keep a journal it helps an awful lot.

[DogInADress]

woah. seems like you gotta problem on your hands. i think you should show him whose boss. and get a boyfriend. show him how it feels!!!

[Ashley11]

Next time you should bite down

[sugar]

I agree with forger , tell him to fook off stand your ground he's enjoying the best of both world he has no respect for you .. dont let him use you .. if you keep doing what your doing he'll keep doing what he's doing .