Not spoken to partner of 4 years

Me and my boyfriend of 4 years had a fall out last monday and he has'nt spoken to me since.
Whats worse is we would usually have met up yesterday and today. On saturday night however he sent me a message online saying 'dont visit tomorrow as were split remember. Thanks for the memories'
I had no intention on visiting him until he said he was sorry.
I am usually the person who gives in after arguments, even when I know I'm in the right and he is being unreasonable.
He is just too stubborn to say sorry and still believes he is in the right and is willing to just 'split up' with me over it.
The argument occured when he had an argument with his mum. I told him after the argument (as I have tried telling him in the past) that it is the way he talks to people and always takes offence that causes arguments. He acts as though everyone is out to get him. I believe this is due to low self esteem/confidence. That being said I dont think he should talk and treat people the way he does - hence me telling him and the argument starting.
I really dont know what to do. According to him we're 'split' now. Though we have had arguments like this in the past and made up. I dont want to apologise as I have nothing to apologise for.
I feel really angry and yet upset about this!
Any advice is appreciated. x

[tommysize1]

sounds just like my brother!

just be straight with him. id hand in an ultimatum and be prepared to walk away.
but thats just me.

urgh i feel dirty as i just urgh im not even gonna say it

[roobaby]

You have to weigh up the good points of the relationship against the negative points. If the good points outweigh the negative points then you are at least on a good footing. Your boyfriend's his stubborness sounds like a major character flaw which might not be that easy to temper in the long term. For now I would just ignore any contact with him for a couple of weeks or so, however tempting it might be make contact. The space will give you some thinking time. It will be hard at first, but surprisingly easy after awhile. When he has got off his high horse you can have a rational conversation with him, but at the end of the day, can you really see yourself in a long term relationship with someone you have to give into all of the time? Lay down the ground rules and tell him its your way or the highway. Oh if life was so simple!

Thanks guys! This was really helpful advice. I've spoken to his mum and she is going to try talk him round into making contact. If thats unsuccsful I'll see where i stand with him.

[benfromkent]

HI Emzy,

Sorry to hear your having troubles!,, Was it something major that you had a fallout over?, like some really basic in compatibility like you want something that he really doesnt, that kind of thing?

Not sure what kind of age you are, but some relationships work in certain areas but specific reasons, and limp along when it comes to things your more incompatible with. Sounds like your a pretty sensible person, and that you prefer to communicate than slam doors and do a runner, im the same and its very hard when someone wont talk to you. Leaves you both in limbo.

Him saying dont come over on xyz day to me, sounds like maybe he had someone there that he wouldnt like you to bump into,
i might be totally off course on that, but do you think hes gone off with someone else? I have know friends who have had similar things happen, the one that goes off doesnt admit whats going on leaving the one left behind in the dark thinking its something that might be fixable which is not nice when it was someone you cared about.

In the end, you have to stand back and ask yourself if your happy with the relationship as it is. Or wil it just mean you compromising on most things while he sticks to his guns? A good relationship im my opinion isnt full of conflicts or big differences in what you like etc, youll know one when it works bcos it just does, .. so dont loose hope it probably out there somewhere..

Hi there my name is tam saddly men are fical even when we know were wrong its hard to say were wrong.Saddly you guys have been together for a long time' so hopefully he'll come out his mood and get intouch with you if he does.nt then maybe its time to call it a day if he can't respect your wishes then he be the one who looses . I hope your feeling bit happier all the best Tam :-)