Bettys Joke Hour

Glasgow man sees a job advertised as a fanny waxers assistant.

Job includes, removing ladies knickers, prepare fanny for waxing and then rub oil after waxing.

The man asks about the job at jobcentre and is told to go to Plymouth.

He asks if thats where the job is? Jobcentre say's "no, thats where the back of the queue is"

A bloke notices a tasty bird giving him the eye in the supermarket.
"Do i know you"? He asks. She say's "aren't you the dad of one of my kids"?
He thinks back to the only time he has been unfaithful and say's "Were you the
hooker i ****ed over the pool table at my stag do while your mate spanked me
with a poece of wet celery while shoving a massive cu***ber up my arse"? She
stares at him and say's "NO, im you daughters teacher"

A bloke walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian

'Excuse me Miss, dey ye hiv ony books on suicide?'

To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses and says,

'Fook off, ye'll no bring it back!'

little boy goes to his father and asks, 'What is Politics and why is that Gordon Brown on the television again?'

Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.

The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.'

The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'

The little boy replies, 'The Prime Minister is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep s**t.

[pete8242]

loving them betty babes
keep em ***ming

A 95 year old man is on his death bed. He takes his great grandson aside and says

'Look lad, the key to living so long, is to sprinkle a bit of gunpowder in your porridge each morning, that will keep you nice and healthy'

So the grandson does what he was told. At the ripe old age of 105 he left behind 3 children, 7 grandchildren, 14 great grandchildren and 24 great great grandchildren. And a massive hole where the crematorium used to be......

[jazzy]

Good ones betty lol xxxx

[QUOTE=betty b;30014]Glasgow man sees a job advertised as a fanny waxers assistant.

Job includes, removing ladies knickers, prepare fanny for waxing and then rub oil after waxing.

The man asks about the job at jobcentre and is told to go to Plymouth.

He asks if thats where the job is? Jobcentre say's "no, thats where the back of the queue is"[/QUOTE]

good one, heard a very similar one to it though where the blokes jobs for a vaginachologist <<<<<<(prob splet wrong ha ha )

think the politics joke was deffo the best

All crap. Sorry.