Something to cheer you up

What did the g**** say when the elephant sat on it?
Nothing, it just gave a little wine

I hear they had problems at Bob marleys funeral...the lid of his coffin kept jammin!

A man walks up to the door of his local nightclub with just his underpants on. The bouncer shakes his head and tells him its fancy dress only, to which he replies I am in fancy dress.....I'm a premature ejaculation....I just come in me pants.

2 nuns riding bikes down a cobbled street.....one says to the other....u ever come this way before.


what's got two legs and bleeds ..
half a dog

One cow asks another "hey mate, what do you think of this mad cow disease?"
his buddy replies "it doesn't bother me, i'm a squirrel!"

I've got a sarcastic washing machine...
... keeps taking the piss out of my pants.

What do women have in common with hurricanes?
They are warm and wet when they come and when they leave, they take the house!

What's the difference between a woman and a computer?
A woman won't accept a 3.5" floppy

Whats the difference between a woman & a washing machine......
a washing machine won't keep calling & texting you after you've dumped your load in it.

What do a washing machine and a woman have in common?
They both leak when they're f@;#ed

How do you confuse a muppet?
7

A white horse walks into a bar, the barman says "We've got a drink named after you", the horse replies "What? Kevin?"

bought ****** the other day form ma mate down the pub, went home swallowed it, got stuck in my throat and i was up all nite with a stiff neck

Why was the condom flying around the room??
It was pissed off!

Two lepers are playing cards..
One threw his hand in and the other laughed his head off

whats green and turns red at the flick of a switch?
A frog in a liquidiser

Did you hear about the blind cir***ciser
He got the sack!

[jazzy]

keep em coming , they made me laugh lmao x

laugh out loud