A Few non PC Jokes

[Bin Lurchin]

David Cameron has announced he intends to make it more difficult to claim benefits.
From next week the forms will only be printed in English.

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Your through to PC World technical support how may I help you?
'I am having trouble finding the net' Okay sir no problem. Can I take your name sir. 'Yes. Its Fernando Torres'

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Fernando Torres walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a couple of shots please."
The barman says, "That's not like you."

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The Irish have solved their own fuel problems. They imported 50 Million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they're going to drill for their own oil

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Bloke walks into a pub and asks for a pint of anything except Stella. Barman asks, "What's wrong with Stella?" Bloke says, "I had 12 pints of Stella last night and when I came round I was f**king skint."
Barman says, "12 pints of anything costs about the same."
Bloke replies, "Skint's my dog."

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Wife says to husband "u only ever want *** when ur drunk"husband says "thats nt true....... sometimes i want a kebab"

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I bought the wife a Memory Stick, it's great!
She hasn't forgotten my beer, dinner or *** once since the first beating.

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A farmer gets a phone call from his son. I've run over a pig and its stuck under the tractor still alive...shoot it says the farmer, and then bury it....about 20mins later he gets another call...done that, what should I do with his speed camera and motorbike

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Sky news report. The Irish have joined in the attack on Libya.
They sent in 3 ships - 2 full of sand and one full of cement..it was a mortar attack.

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The missus asked if she pleased me in bed?
I said "yes, I love that trick you do with your mouth." . . . "What trick?" she asked?
"The one where you shut the f*ck up and go to sleep!"

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An assortment of high powered weapons and a stash of drugs including cocaine, heroin and ecstacy have been found behind the Job Centre in Glasgow.
The locals are said to be in a state of shock........;They had no f**king idea they had a job centre!

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Stephen Hawking went on his first date in 10 years, and when he got back , his glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, a twisted ankle and grazed knees,
Apparently she'd stood him up

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Kate Middleton asked the Queen for advice on marriage and a long relationship.. she replied "wear a seatbelt and don't piss me off!"

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A man approaches a young woman in a shop. he says i can’t find my wife, can I talk to you for a few minutes? the woman says sure but do you have any idea where your wife is?
Not a clue he says but whenever I talk to a woman with t!ts like yours she appears out of f**king nowhere!

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The Japanese government have thanked Britain for the rescue
dogs they sent out .
They said they were delicious!

[FZR]

[QUOTE=Bin Lurchin;68908]David Cameron has announced he intends to make it more difficult to claim benefits.
From next week the forms will only be printed in English.

<----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->

Your through to PC World technical support how may I help you?
'I am having trouble finding the net' Okay sir no problem. Can I take your name sir. 'Yes. Its Fernando Torres'

<----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->

Fernando Torres walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a couple of shots please."
The barman says, "That's not like you."

<----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->

The Irish have solved their own fuel problems. They imported 50 Million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they're going to drill for their own oil

<----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->

Bloke walks into a pub and asks for a pint of anything except Stella. Barman asks, "What's wrong with Stella?" Bloke says, "I had 12 pints of Stella last night and when I came round I was f**king skint."
Barman says, "12 pints of anything costs about the same."
Bloke replies, "Skint's my dog."

<----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->

Wife says to husband "u only ever want *** when ur drunk"husband says "thats nt true....... sometimes i want a kebab"

<----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->

I bought the wife a Memory Stick, it's great!
She hasn't forgotten my beer, dinner or *** once since the first beating.

<----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->


A farmer gets a phone call from his son. I've run over a pig and its stuck under the tractor still alive...shoot it says the farmer, and then bury it....about 20mins later he gets another call...done that, what should I do with his speed camera and motorbike

<----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->

Sky news report. The Irish have joined in the attack on Libya.
They sent in 3 ships - 2 full of sand and one full of cement..it was a mortar attack.

<----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->

The missus asked if she pleased me in bed?
I said "yes, I love that trick you do with your mouth." . . . "What trick?" she asked?
"The one where you shut the f*ck up and go to sleep!"

<----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->


An assortment of high powered weapons and a stash of drugs including cocaine, heroin and ecstacy have been found behind the Job Centre in Glasgow.
The locals are said to be in a state of shock........;They had no f**king idea they had a job centre!

<----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->

Stephen Hawking went on his first date in 10 years, and when he got back , his glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, a twisted ankle and grazed knees,
Apparently she'd stood him up

<----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->

Kate Middleton asked the Queen for advice on marriage and a long relationship.. she replied "wear a seatbelt and don't piss me off!"

<----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->

A man approaches a young woman in a shop. he says i can’t find my wife, can I talk to you for a few minutes? the woman says sure but do you have any idea where your wife is?
Not a clue he says but whenever I talk to a woman with t!ts like yours she appears out of f**king nowhere!

<----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->

The Japanese government have thanked Britain for the rescue
dogs they sent out .
They said they were delicious![/QUOTE]




Sorry, but that was really lame!