5tevie's book ..... In-spectre Jackson.

I'll tell you some of the plot when I get back from Argos. (The shop, not the village and castle in Greece )

So, what else happens?
He meets other folk like him (remember the guy on the back of the wagon?) who also have kids to look after.
Can he get together with another "helper", maybe one looking after a boy of the same age group as his girl?
How can he get them to leave their gangs? Maybe a boyfriend/girlfriend thing will kill two birds with one stone?
Then it turns out that the girls mother goes to a Spiritualist church where they have a weekly Medium on stage.
What better than to somehow rope his own mother into pretending to be a Medium getting messages to the audience through his contacts up above and then relaying them to his mother via the parrot..
There is also a sub-plot where he spots the bloke that was driving the Transit who is out on parole and that guy, shall we say, "Suffers a few hardships of an unusual nature"

[shazzababie]

loving it Stevie hun .... if u look at the views u have had 161 ppl following the story so far...keep up the good work an dont leave us hangin xxx

Whats every1 else think ?

[tommysize1]

i read the 1st 3bits. tv time now. but heres some stuff i noticed:
The front of the car was well alight - well alight doesnt sound right especially when in the next sentence you have -have standing well up the embankment- ablaze i think makes more sense.

I realized I was sat in a chair and fully dressed. What the Hell was going on here? The room was painted all white and there are two doors, also white. There are no windows but there is a desk next to one of the doors.
you change from past to present.
there WERE two doors.

People who gave their life for another have something in their make-up that even we don't understand. It's almost like you can quickly learn to communicate on a level that nobody else can.
i dont see how that could indicate your communication skills.

took a £5 note out and gave it to Peter.
lol gambling in heaven? what they gonna spend it on?
although i cant think what else you could use for that bit instead of money.
still funny tho.

yeah thats it. i like it so far

[tommysize1]

ask for a sit-rep
whats that? police speak or something? i never heard of it now i dont understand the rest of that sentence.

was standing just outside a cafe in Blackburn's Market Hall. Right in front of me was a young girl seated at a table with another girl
skip to- I was out of my chair and racing for the cafe's exit
i thought you was outside still.

I headed for the shop front but before I could reach it I saw the most beautiful person in the world walk out. It was her
i guess shes beautiful because of your relief you found her?
had to re-read that a few times thinking it was someone else other than the young girl....because no description was given to her earlier.

Not knowing Blackburn at all
u knew blackburn market hall...or is that how northerners describe a shopping centre or something?

I saw a guy in his late 40's wearing a long overcoat, trilby and a Blackburn Rovers scarf riding on the rear bumper of a huge wagon. Holding his hat with one hand and the rear door handle with the other. A dubious mode of transport when you think of the safety aspect but that wasn't the strange thing about it. The really odd thing was that nobody on the bus pointed at him or even seemed to take any notice. Even the driver didn't seem surprised to see him. Then, at a set of traffic lights, the guy jumped down and calmly walked away. Like I said, Blackburn folk are strange.
*whats he another ghost?

I still didn't know the rules about banging into a real person which was something I would have to find out about before long 'cos you never know when physical contact of some kind would be made
*youd already sat on a chair outside the cafe without falling through it.

[tommysize1]

house was lit up like Stalag 17
*wtf is stalag 17?

sat if front of the tv.
*IN lol

also u miss another chance to talk about 'ghost physics' as you go through backdoor of ur mums house

sub plot about your killer. could go back and change the bit where peter or paul say:
"3 weeks after ur funeral, ur killers got jailed for 12years." could take away last half of that bit so u could say
"what about my killers?"
"sorry heaven policy, cant tell you" or whatever. cos what parole after a few months?

yeah thats it.
parrot is awesome
i liked the bit where peter/paul get serious and r like "serious questions 4 u! going down in the book of all time!!!"
then ask one Q with a yes/no response then all like "ah that will be all thx vry much sir" lol

yeah i can imagine the medium bit with the parrot being brilliant.

write some more dude HURRY!

Cheers, Tommy.
That is exactly the kind of stuff I was hoping to get from readers.
I can't do anything about those points just now 'cos I've only sneaked away from real life for a few minutes but when life gets back to normality I'll go over them point by point.

Thank you.
Steve

ps ... Yes, the guy on the back of the lorry IS another "ghost".