i just wrote this now!

[tommysize1]

hey guys i just wrote this now! tell me what you think!
(be as harsh as you like i can take it)

clop---clop---clop---clop
pauls mud covered boots were moving at a steady pace as he headed back home to his bungalow from the woods at the edge of town.
it was close to midnight and paul didn't fancy staying out around the campfire with his friends because he had to work early in the morning, at least thats what paul told them,but he was actually a bit spooked by some of the ghost stories being told, something that he'd never live down if he admitted it.

paul noticed how the air had a sharp fresh feel to it, he looked up to see there were no clouds in the sky, which was illuminated by a myriad of stars and a pale full moon glowing down on him helping him to navigate his way back home.
'not far now' paul thought to himself as he was passing the church yard.

DONNNGGGG

the church bell tower began to toll which took paul by suprise and struck his concentration.
'does the bell always strike at midnight?' he thought to himself.
paul noticed a light from the church flicker and go out and the sound of a chair or table scraping on the floor.

DONNNGGGG

clop--clop--clop--clop
paul felt his pace pick up without thinking and tried to keep his eyes on the path in front of him.
but he couldnt help but feel anxious about the noise he had just heard and so he nervously turned his head to check behind himself out of the corner of his eye.

DONNNGGGG

'nothing there!' paul thought with relief.
but now there was a noise in front of him, just a breeze of wind rustling the leaves on the trees.
"theres nothing there paul" he said out loud trying to comfort himself.

DONNNGGGG

clip-clop-clip-clop

the sound of someone else's footsteps?
paul turned around again to find nothing there.
then the sound of a metal crashing came from an alleyway somewhere up the road.

DONNNGGGG

clop-clop-clop-clop
paul began walking as fast as he possibly could, taking giant strides.
he looked towards the sound of the metal crashing and saw a can of drink roll out onto the road.
'probably just a homeless guy finishing his special brew'.

DONNNGGGG

paul, with a renewed focus, concentrated on nothing but the few meters of pavement in front of him. allowing no more noises to distract him.
a long straight shadow seemed to stretch out beside paul and overtake him.

DONNNGGGG

'**** this'
clopclopclopclop
paul began sprinting with his eyes barely open and his hands over his ears.

DONNNGGGG

paul could see the front door to his bungalow! he hurridly took his keys out of his pocket and began to jangle through them looking for the key to his home.

DONNNGGGG

paul stuck the key in the lock.
he quickly tried to turn the key but it was stuck

DONNNGGGG

"FOR ****S SAKE" paul said in a terrified anger.
he felt a slight touch on his neck sending a shiver down his spine.
the key turned and he kicked the door open and spun and fell into the hallway kicking the door shut behind him.

DONNNGGGG

lying on his back intently looking at the frosted glass on his door for any sign of movement.

DONNNGGGG

there was nothing there. paul closed his eyes for a second in disbelief at what had just happened.
he got up to lock the door.
'huerghhhh'
paul heard a groan and the frosted glass steamed up.

paul stared at the glass for a moment before finally locking the door.
'urgggghhhhhhhhhh'
paul made the noise this time.
he walked to the kitchen and poured himself a shot of whiskey or two to hopefully help him sleep, then it was straight off to bed.
'the faster tonight is over, the better'

paul got into bed and closed his eyes and fell alseep almost instantly but for only what felt like a moment. paul opened his eyes 'maybe the whiskey wasn't a good idea'. he got up to go to the toilet.

dinnngggg

'surely an hour hasn't passed already?'

dinnngggg

paul didnt bother to wash his hands after the toilet and instead decided to walk into the kitchen to look out of the window as it faced the church.

dinnngggg

the church bell wasnt ringing.

dinnngggg

the noise was coming from behind him.

dinnggg

paul gulped and turned around

dinnggg

a dark figure with no immediately recognisable features other than two piercing red eyes was standing in his kitchen holding a metal pot and a big wooden spoon.

dinnggg

it smiled

dinnggg

paul closed his eyes



da end*********i thought about the whole midnight bell thing on friday at work but decided to wriite it up now. when i told one of my workmates he just laughed at my idea and said "sounds like some sort of comedy horror"(referring to the demon banging a suacepan in the kitchen)
WHICH gave me an idea of how i could actually carry on this story thing!

the demon thing could try's to eat pauls soul. but cant as paul actually sold his soul to his brother when they were kids in exchange for a go on his gameboy. then the demon explains that one of the rules of hell is that once a demon has chosen a victim they have to stick with them untill they actually get their soul. so paul and the demon sort of become unlikely friends? lol wtf am i on?
yeah i could change the story at the start to paul's friends taking the piss out of him for being scared, so then paul could use his new demon friend to scare them.
all the while the demon is trying to find out where pauls soul actually is.

good or what? lol

so what would you change?

[__freya__]

tbh soz it read like 'the bell end of sleepy hollow'

kinda started off badly ,got worse durin the middle an the less sed about the end the better

actually id go as far to say you owe me 2 mins of me life back lol

[tommysize1]

thanks for the title!

the bell end of sleepy hollow.

yeah i cant say i like it much either.
all i wanted was to make it feel like the DONGS were getting faster.

[__freya__]

ohhh a got it all wrong then having a reread seems like when the dongs turn to dings THATS when the trouble really starts