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#1
29-05-12, 06:47 PM
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start of a new sketch?
dunno how to get things to stay in the center of the page. so whatever. i wrote this just now. im not sure about the correct procedure for introducing new characters but i think this makes sense. what would you change? (saying "all of it" is not a helpfull response)
INT. OFFICE - DAY DAVID A smartly dressed man in his mid twenties who has just started a new job at the office. He is normal by all accounts. David is shown to his desk by another office worker OFFICE WORKER so DAVID, are there any questions you'd like to ask me before i let you get on with your first day here at the office? DAVID no, everything seems fine. i think i should be able to cope, thanks! A man suddenly bursts through a door at the back of the office JEFF JEFF is a man in his early 40's who always seems to have a smile on his face JEFF (shouting wildly) there's a bumble-bee in the kitchen! evacuate the premises! DAVID looks at OFFICE WORKER as if to say "what is happening?" OFFICE WORKER oh that's just JEFF! you'll get to know and love him soon enough! JEFF picks up a fire extinguisher and sprays it back through the door he came from JEFF No, never mind people, crisis averted! the bee is dead! JEFF swings the fire extinguisher over his shoulder and suavely walks over to DAVID and OFFICE WORKER OFFICE WORKER hello JEFF! I'd like you to meet DAVID the new sales administrator DAVID (a quick wave) Hello JEFF. nice work with the fire extinguisher. JEFF oh thanks DAVID. I'm kinda the resident pest controller here. OFFICE WORKER ooh! once, a bird flew in through the window and it was flying about everywhere JEFF it was causing havoc DAVID! pure mayhem it was! so i got some elastic bands and kept pinging them at the bloody little terror trying to shoo it back outside OFFICE WORKER i remember you was standing on my desk when you landed the final blow DAVID he killed it? JEFF well DAVID i had no choice by the end really, id injured it with a direct shot to the wing OFFICE WORKER and an injured bird is a very dangerous thing JEFF it could of pecked someones eye out! a man covered in foam emerges from the kitchen door looking dazed FOAM COVERED MAN arghhhh! its all gone in me bloody eye socket! DAVID eye socket? OFFICE WORKER oh stop moaning george! JEFF i said i was sorry about that stray elastic band! OFFICE WORKER it was a ricochet everyone walks off to leave david staring at george, who is now kneeling on the floor almost crying. 
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#2
11-06-12, 02:00 PM
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so you guys wouldn't change anything?
i would! and i will
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#3
11-06-12, 11:22 PM
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more please
__________________
if it cant kill you or make u pregnant then dont worry about it 
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#4
13-06-12, 05:17 AM
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thanks shazz for the reply!!!!
but no sorry! maybe when its on tv 
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